Till death do us part, or till death of the relationship? Which comes first, the chicken or the egg? I was talking to a friend the other day that is going through a rough time in her marriage. She admitted to the obvious signs most couples go through when their marriage is in trouble. However, she was very unhappy that her 10 year relationship was coming to an end.  Considering the fact that I had seen her looking better in happier times, I asked her, why was she unhappy now?
“Because I’m getting a Divorce,” she explained. “Don’t you understand?”
She went on to express how much she hated going through a divorce and was going to do everything in her power to save her marriage even though it was very clear this relationship had ended. In order to get a clear picture of the D-word I decided to reexamine it. I realized Divorce is just another form of separation, something we all go through at some point in our lives. What makes most people so afraid of it is how they feel about it. Divorce does not mean failure or that your life is over. It only means you are starting another cycle in your life.
I believe we meet people, live and learn certain lessons.  Most times we learn these lessons from our spouses, partners etc. Sometimes, if it weren’t for our marriage, we might’ve never learned what we needed to enhance our spiritual growth. Thus, the marriage served a purpose. I also believe every couple is not meant to remain married their entire life. Some of us will simply have a short marriage, no matter how happy or unhappy the union.  So if one’s partner clearly wishes to end the relationship, maybe both persons have gotten whatever they needed from each other and now it is time for them to part. Your divorce serves a purpose.
Why can’t we just allow each other to depart in peace? The truth is both persons are receiving the ultimate desires of their heart.  Just not in the way they had planned it.  Divorce can be a positive experience depending on how you look at it. And it is not a reason to be unhappy. Besides, once the shock and dramatics of divorce is gone, one just might find a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow!

The Scene: Atlanta Airport
I had just had a delicious goat cheese turkey burger and glass of Leyda Chilean wine when I realized I still had another hour and half before my flight. Sooo….
I refused to take off my shoes. Well sort of, lol. I was wearing a gown so my feet were covered and I almost made it past the first agent until I carelessly pulled my dress by its hem in order to walk.

"Take off your shoes before you go ma’am" she said.

"But I’m wearing sandals."

"Still have to take them off too."

I took pages from your book about wanting to see the Federal regulation stating I had to take off my shoes. She told me how "they didn’t do that" like a robot with a bad script. I asked for her supervisor. A woman, and I make no exaggerations here, she looked like that security officer that Martin Lawrence played on his sitcom…the wig was so terribly dry and matted and she wore the most hideous glasses. But she was an old lady so I tried not to laugh. She says nothing as she walks up to me. More like she was surprised she would have an opportunity to speak with a flyer. I started for her..

"Hi, I was told by this lady that I would need to take off my shoes to pass through security, even though I’m wearing thong sand-

"Yes, we have 100% all shoe policy. You must take off your shoes or you cannot pass through"
I ask to see this in writing.

"Ma’am we don’t do that here. Now are you gonna comply with the rules now?"

"No, I don’t think I will. Can I speak to your supervisor?"
She gives me the nastiest look as I step aside to let the others pass me. She lets loose now.

"All these people here, all these people take off their shoes ma’am and you don’t think you should have to? Why do you think if all these people take off their shoes why do you think you shouldn’t have to? Are you any better than them?

(That’s debatable I say to myself)
"Soo..you’re not going to let me speak to your supervisor?"

She walks off and brings back a super summo powerhouse fat lady that is about to pop. I’m intimidated. She’s going to eat me.

She speaks:

"yes ma’am, how are you?"

"I’m fine, I say, explaining the situation and coming to similar conclusions.

"Well ma’am that’s our TSA policy. All passengers are required to take off their shoes. You didn’t take off your shoes at the other airports?"

(damn.) "I wore socks. I’m wearing sandals now and I simply don’t feel up to touching your floors."

"You don’t have socks in your bags?"

"No."

"Well ma’am if you wont take off your shoes, I’ll have to escort you out"

I look at her like I wish you would. She begins again:

"…but what I will do, if you like, I’ll get some towels and sanitizer and wipe your feet for you. Would you like that?"

I have now heard it all. "Ok, I say.

I can hear the lady with the matted down wig asking what the verdict would be. She tells her that she will be wiping my feet and the lady with the bad hair gets sour faced.
I take off my sandals, walk through and as soon as I reach the other side my agent supervisor meets me at a chair directing me to have a seat and assists me by wiping the small bit of dirt from my feet.

I respect her decision (no matter who the initial idea came from) in understanding that people don’t mind losing their freedoms when they are given some dignity back

I find it so ironic that a majority of my married friends are not even enjoying this aspect of their marriage. This might also be the case for many married couples. The one thing we say that is supposed to bond the couple becomes a crutch or a strain in the relationship. Why is it like this? The truth is singles take a different approach to sex than most married people.

Comfort is Boring!
As a single female I am constantly hit on all the time by men both single and married. But lately, I’ve come across more men who are married and in unhappy relationships. Why? In most cases they have settled for the lie of getting married and living the cozy comfortable life with their wives and family. Who lied and told us the comfortable life would make us happy? Was it our parents, our Grand parents or God? The truth is we were not designed to live a BORING, Comfortable life! Let’s face it! Who wants to come home to the same humdrum way of having sex everyday? These men are attracted to me partly because they see in my life, an aspect they desire to have in their own lives.

The two shall become one
This is perhaps the biggest lie of married sex life ever! What’s the logic of this? Yes I know it sounds romantic and all about you finding that one person that you’ve always dreamed of and when you marry and finally have sex it is supposed to be the greatest feeling since…iced tea! But the truth is most married folks haven’t figured it out that you can’t become one by having sex. Sex is a meditative act which just happens to involve two or more individuals. Most singles don’t believe the lie so we don’t worry about trying to be something we have always been and will be…ONE!

Freedom is Supreme!
We were born with it and we are meant to have it! It is our God given right! Let Freedom reign! Most married people have believed the ultimate lie that one cannot be free to do what they want once they are married. This includes sex as well. I know when you marry you are supposed to love your wife/husband and this may mean that you are supposed to want to have sex with them too right? WRONG! Some married people actually find the longer they are married the less attractive they are to their mate. This definitely gives another meaning to the term “till death do us part”. It is possible and very common that couples no longer want to have sex with their mates and wish to find another partner to couple with. However, in our society this is frowned upon (openly) but behind closed doors, in the form of casual affairs, it is fully accepted. So instead of following our hearts, we allow the fears and lies we’ve been taught by our parents and others to dictate our lives.

The bottom line is the human heart is the true indicator of what we should or should not be doing sexually and not any other thing or person outside of you. The wise soul who figures out what’s in his heart will have discovered what Jesus really meant when he said “You will know the truth, and it will set you free!” And once you are free, you are free indeed!

Most people are probably able to name at least one of the Ten Commandments. If I had to add one commandment to the list it would be: “THOU SHALL NOT WANT.” Wanting something gives you the perception that something is missing in your life. The human desire is very strong and often does not back down from a challenge. So often we ponder over what we feel we lack in hopes  of finding a way to get that thing. The reality is the more we ponder about what we feel we lack, the more we push it away from us. As one may say, “You never get what you don’t have.”  It is not easy to not want because for years we have been taught wanting is a reality we can’t avoid. The only way to peace is to mentally focus believing that all your prayers and desires are answered by God in immediate love. So the next time you feel your life is lacking something, mentally say to yourself THOU SHALL NOT WANT until your heart is at peace. Rest in this peace and watch what happens!

Nothing can be more life altering then the passing of a loved one and following their passing, everyone would like to be able to say that what precedes is completely honorable in regards to ones death. So, it is a reasonable concern for most families to question the morality in having their family members cremated. Should you have your loved ones cremated or should they be given a burial service by casket?

Let’s explore this idea. A great many people perceive cremation as just an honorable experience as a traditional burial. The reasons range from having a more affordable option to having something of actual material to connect with  (the ashes) after their loved one’s death. These reasons are all valid. On the other hand, there are those who think cremation to be a cruel and stark practice even if it is for the dead. One may tussle back and forth over their options, within good reason; So if you ask me there is only one way to settle the score. Ask yourself one question:

If it were up to you to initiate the cremation and burn the very body you’re responsible for, would you do it?

My question is more about your willingness to live with a decision that in modern times Is largely initiated by other medical professionals. This is what separates us from ancient cremation rituals in primitive society. In Hinduism, the eldest son is given the responsibility of burning their father’s body; This is considered an honor. My question is not meant to incite or pass off my underhanded endorsement of traditional burials. I see beauty in both, however, I see a clear disconnect between the process of viewing, dressing and preparing a body along WITH a mortuary and signing off on a cremation service. In the end the decision is entirely personal and one in which a search of your soul maybe necessary.

Have you had a loved one cremated? Please leave a comment before you go or contact me at: vibrettas@gmail.com

I don’t think there’s a problem with the “n” word at all. I don’t really mind anymore if other people use it either. I’ve given up completely on trying to coax others not to use it because unfortunately or fortunately, depending on how you perceive it, the word is just so damned popular. There is just nothing I can do to get around that. Readers must believe me when I say that it does not matter at all what race I am for my reasoning and change of heart has little to do with it anyway. The reason I don’t care about nor find anything wrong with the use of the word “nigger” or “nigga” is because of one crazy night that not even I could avoid…

I was visiting friends in a town that was not so diverse in culture but a beautiful beach town escape in California. Now there are lots of places like this in California where the average household age is 54 and the typical family is Caucasian and such. That hasn’t stopped many a young and ethnic bunch to visit this town and others like it on the weekends to party and enjoy the lovely beach weather. Well, on this particular night I happened to be exiting a small neighborhood bar where I found a group of black 20 somethings red in the face with anger and facing a group of latin 20 somethings on the opposite side. Apparently one of the stocky latin gentleman had quite a bit to drink as he sloppily made his way over to one of the black males. A very short but tempered fight ensued and afterwards friends on either side separated the two. The latin male, obviously more bruised and beaten badly, shouted out in a rage, “nigger!” “You niggers!” I watched the latin male closely. His eyes were bulging in anger. He wanted so badly to hurt the ego of the black male by calling him the n word. I stood there puzzled as he kept shouting the word as if it had anything to do with the fight at all. Just like clockwork the black male shouted back, “if that’s what you call someone whoopin’ yo ass, so be it!” And that’s when it hit me.

There have been so many people in this country who have used the word to draw out some reaction in Black people. Now the word is often used deliberately and tauntingly to hurt people. And always, in response, there are some black groups who find themselves trapped in a long and fierce ridicule of those using the n word. But what if the name calling went on deaf crowds of ears? Well, that would simply be allowing the mischief to go on you say? I’m not so sure. We often tell children to ignore those who call us names. “Sticks and stones…” is what we indoctrinate to the youth. We just can’t seem to practice what we preach, can we? People have said the n word is such a strong racial slur with deep historical reference and they may very well be right. But the reference only holds as much pain as you or anyone else attaches to it. Historical reference is dead on the ears of this new generation, many of whom have never heard of Harriet Tubman or Martin Luther King. Isn’t that what we all want anyway? For our children to grow up ignorant of ignorance in others? For the youth, these silly adult name calling games is of little importance. Their friends are of every race and culture and they seem to get along a lot better than those before us. I take on their attitude of joyful living and complete ignorance of negativity. I prefer not to stop the party. All things irrelevant die out on their own anyway. So to the rest of the world I say, nigga and nigger it up! Have a drink on the word nigger if you must. I won’t celebrate with you. Nor will I even pretend that the n word has one inkling of relevance to my life. The n word is at the most to me, annoyingly unfashionable. So the question my friends is, does the n word hold power or not? Or rather, will we give it power or not?

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Meet the face of anorexia:

You will probably find one or two people in your life who are suffering from anorexia or bulimia. It’s important to note that not all people suffering from this mental health condition look like Isabelle Caro. Some patients with anorexia look of normal weight like you or me. What will remain peculiar and starkly different to you is their eating habits. Many anorexics will call a small handful of chips, cookies or even celery their lunch. You may find that they never go out to eat and carry a diet soda around. My first encounter with an anorexic coworker was over a chance meeting in the company bathroom. There I found her bent over a running sink with toothpaste and brush nearby. She brushed fiercely as I watched in horror. Another trait of anorexics is to develop OCD like qualities in regards to hygiene.

So how should you confront that coworker? Make absolutely no mention of your suspicions. After all, you’re relation to her is not of friendship or familial ties and you just might be wrong in your assumption. What you must do is communicate with your coworker outside of work, even if that means asking her out to lunch. Once you’ve gotten them outside of the workplace you can speak as a friend and not a coworker and you also are not liable for how he/she takes your comments. After you’ve had a long and more comfortable conversation, I’d tell that coworker that you’ve had some worries about his/ her health. Offer your support if ever they’d like to talk to you about it and leave your new friend be. If he/she is truly anorexic they will not be in any condition to recognize their condition but having you as a friend will at least put them in a direction of knowing there is someone at work who finds their lifestyle unhealthy instead of walking past everyday while allowing someone to hurt themselves.

The following are a list of things I’m sure you’ve never told  your sons and daughters. These are conversations that all parents should have with their children no matter how uncomfortable the discussion.

1. Teach them to wash their genitals TWICE A DAY-

I think most kids get an early start with hygiene lessons. We put our kids on bathtub, toothbrush and eventually laundry schedules to instill good hygiene. That’s great. I think it’s time to take it a step further by teaching them to wash down below at least twice a day (not including their baths). Most kids spend 8 hours at school. They are running through the halls and vigorously playing at recess and if they have soccer practice afterwards we’re talking about 10-12 hours away from home. So, I suggest sending them off with travel size baby wipes. Tell your daughters to wipre their labias once around noon and again before bed (if they take showers in the morning). I personally find it important for women to bathe as opposed to shower at least once per week. Historically, women bathed standing in creeks or lakes. There is no denying that there is some benefit of having a flow of water in and out of that area. Do the same with your boys, especially if they’re uncircumcised. Doctors have witnessed adult patients who were uncircumcised with fungus or scarring due to poor habits as a child. Not to mention, many public schools are packed with students and offer very little in the way of soap or toilet tissue in the restroom stalls.

2. Teach them HOW to date- 

Most parents complain about the increasing amount of control left in  school’s hands regarding sexual and social lessons. Why not take matters into your own hands and teach your children the ins and outs of dating? Usually parents offer “polite gestures” to their children as a means of instilling respect to the opposite sex. For instance, a father may forbid his daughter from wearing revealing clothing in order to suppress sexual arousal in her date. Likewise, a mother might encourage her son to open doors for young ladies. While, these things are helpful, they do little to alleviate a parent’s real worries. I suggest parents first start by explaining the reason for dating and then explain appropriate behavior on a date. Tell them that dating is a social practice. In it, one is to learn as much as possible about the opposite sex while they are young. One day they will use all these lessons to find a mate.  So, what lessons should be taught about dating? Teach them how to judge character and recognize signs. Also, they should be taught how to treat people they favor and how they shouldn’t. Your child and their potential dates will be thankful for these lessons. Watch out, however, because your child could very easily become the most desired person to date in their social circle!

3. Teach them resilience by sharing the DETAILS OF YOUR MISTAKES-

It’s not uncommon for parents to teach from a negative perspective. Oftentimes, lessons offer “Dos and Donts” to their children. What’s missing from these lessons is the WHY. Children are the most inquisitive individuals on earth and nothing please them more than knowing WHY. Parents often don’t have the time to explain this for every lesson but taking the extra time to do so is extremely helpful. Many parents tell their kids what to do or what not to do in hopes that they will avoid mistakes the parent has made. A sure way of increasing the chances that your children make fewer mistakes than you had is by sharing with them all the details of your mistakes. Tell them about what led you to faulty decision making. Tell them what prices you paid as consequence of your behavior. And share ALL THE DETAILS. Yes, that std you contracted after Woodstock is of great importance to them. Yes, that little drug charge you got back in college will help them make better decisions in the future. If you tell them how awful it was to go through those things they will be left with a better understanding of human nature: we all do thing we regret. When you present a squeaky clean image to your children they often will not share their problems with you for fear of disappointing such a “holier than thou” parent.

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It’s very simple. You are not a multitasking person. If you were, you’d be able to manage most of the affairs of your life without damaging the one thing you need most: your body. You probably give your all in only one or two areas of your life and neither of those areas include regular exercise. You’ll find, like common sense, “regular” isn’t so regular at all. What’s “regular” for you is probably well below average standards for others. For instance, I “regularly” exercise 45 minutes everyday. If I miss a day, I am off my “regular” schedule. My best friend’s schedule is at least an hour per day. What’s your friend’s regular schedule like?

This brings me to my next point. Non-multitasking people do not have many multi-tasking friends. If they did, those friends would be covering tasks together the world over. So, if you really want to lose weight, get in the habit of taking on several tasks. Associate yourself with people who have mastered the art of multitasking. Stay on your feet and try to accomplish more than one thing at a time in your life. Your body will thank you for it.

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It’s another friendly addition of YOU MAY NOT KNOW THIS WEDNESDAY!!!!

That’s right folks and I gotta tell you, I couldn’t be more excited about this post because it’s about a country filled with passion, life, culture, morals and booming business. There is no place I adore more than Japan! I don’t know, call it a kindred past life of sorts, but I truly feel a spiritual connection to my Japanese brothers and sisters. So without further ado…….YOU MAY NOT KNOW THIS BUUUUUT….

1. Japan is one of the world’s leading inventors and producers of masturbatory and sex toys- This country isn’t as uptight about sex, alcohol and nudity. Japan has no Christian roots and thus they live a bit more accepting of things regarding sexuality. Which brings me to my second peculiar point…

2. In Japan, a woman’s bare breasts can be seen on afternoon TV-  Probably because (forgive me, friends) there isn’t much in that area in that country if you know what I mean ; )

3. People date by BLOOD TYPE!  That’s right, in many circles of Japan blood type is a regular conversation topic where people believe that blood type determines personality traits and thus overall compatibility. Hey, what can I say, we have astrology, they have blood type!

4. It is not uncommon to find mothers bathing with their children well after infancy. For them, it is a matter of convenience and besides that, Japanese families don’t identify with the types of social norms in this country.

5. Although Japan is still very conservative in many other respects, it is home to a gay wrestler superhero HARD GAY! This character is more like Johnny Wier or Borat in the states.